How do today's moms discipline their children? In California, someone is trying to get a law passed to forbid spanking your own children (under 3). Wonder how they will punish the parents who do spank?
Not sure about you, but I find this kind of invading.
Josh and I correct our children. We spank lovingly and our kids know why they are being spanked.
An awesome book I have found very helpful is:
God, the Rod, and your childs bod
By Larry Tomczak
What is your input?
Not sure about you, but I find this kind of invading.
Josh and I correct our children. We spank lovingly and our kids know why they are being spanked.
An awesome book I have found very helpful is:
God, the Rod, and your childs bod
By Larry Tomczak
What is your input?
15 comments:
I spank! and you can tell which children are from the ones that arent.
We believe in it highly. I heard that about CA as well. Sad!
The way I disciple is I give 1 warning. If Caleb does something like throw his fork on the floor.. ill warn him "Caleb dont do it again" and if he does it again I then spank him.
The way I try to spank is w/ a wooden spoon. This way he does not fear my hand. Now grant it some days you dont have a spoon around and you have no choice but to use your hand.. but I use the spoon while at home. And Caleb fears the spoon. He will say "I get the moon on the butt!" He hasnt mastered "s" in the word "spoon" so "moon it is!"
He spanks his stuff toys when their "bad" haha. So he understands it very well.
I always spank 3 times. This way I never get angry and spank to much. And after we spank I will sit him down and look him right in the eyes and talk to him very softly as to why he got spanked. I ask him to tell me what he did wrong.. and after he does I ask him "do you understand" and he responds "I understand" or "yes mama"
He then apologizes and we hug.
It works very well for us.. and I cannot imagine not spanking to be honest. Time out just doesnt cut it.
I use time out for minor things but nothing works like a spanking.
Okay now ill get reported as a child abuser if people read this and are against spanking HAHA. I dont care though. You can look at my child and be around him and tell he is loved heavily and there is no scars being made in him because of this. If anything he will be a better adult because we are steering him correctly.
Cool post Donna!
i heard about the law in CA they are trying to pass too....and it really got me thinking again just recently. so its interesting you bring this up. i've been thinking about spanking a lot ever since iz has been about 9-10 months....we do spank. but not real often. i know its biblical, but i also know that God's love and grace is biblical. and i don't ever want to confuse iz (he hits, so i hit him?) or embarrass him (that is a big one with me. i don't think punishment should involve embarassment. i HATED that as a kid.) so its something i'm still personally praying and asking God about. and in the meantime, we alter between spankings and time out. though often a warning does the trick. that's where i am at with it....
One thing that stood out to me in the lengthy newspaper article (Sacramento Bee) about this issue: Be consistent in the discipline you choose, whatever that discipline is. No matter what your parenting style, consistency and repetition is key. It takes little children a long time to "get it" and parents don't always realize this. You have to be patient and keep repeating the same lesson until they learn it. Sometimes it can take years! It helps me to be patient when I remember how long God has been patient with me.
I totally agree with all of you! We spank when it's necessary.
we spank when the kids blatantly CHOOSE to disobey.. when they understand the boundaries in advance and then decide to cross them. I try really hard to differentiate between being "childish" and being disobedient. And I am not as consistent as my hubby... and they behave better when he is around.
I do not spank. My littlest is 18 months and I'm trying to find the right kind of disapline for her. My oldest is almost three and is the BEST behaved child I have ever seen. She's never been spanked before in her life.
I, personally, believe in disaplining more creatively and want my child to choose correctly because she knows right from wrong, not because she fears a consequence.
I have to disagree with Drea here and say that I do not think you can tell the children who are spanked from the children who are not. I'm actually a bit offended by that statement. I am incredibly strict with my kids... even though I do not spank. I am also dilligent in my parenting and have never allowed either of them to act up without consistent consequence.
I think that spanking is a personal choice and I do not think it should be illegal. Just like I do not think smoking in front of your children should be illegal either. Just because I do not do it or agree with it... it's still a personal choice.
Ok, so I have to disagree with Drea's comment that you can tell which children are spanked and which are not. I've seen kids out in public acting like monsters and being spanked while they do it. My children aren't spanked and I couldn't count the number of times I have been told how well behaved they are.
I believe that each family does what works for them. To mandate by law how they can or cannot raise their children is unconstitional and against what our freedoms tell us we can do.
That being said, I have never understood how hitting our children solves anything other than being an easy way to deal with a situation that we don't like. Like Bek commented, what does it teach our children to punish hitting with hitting? Do as I say, not as I do? There are plenty of ways to discipline our kids without using our hands (or our utensils).
I do not believe in spanking and have never done this to my son! Redirection and warnings have always worked for him! I was spanked with a belt until I was in middle school and although I don't remember the pain I remember the shame and I always swore that I would NEVER do that to my child!
I have never spanked Jacob...mind you he is only 22 months and the rod mentioned in the bible is referring to direction, a young child can't understand 'direction'. You can explain it all you want till you think your child gets it. Most really young children I see don't understand consequences for their actions. I remember being in elementary school and not understanding completely some effects of my actions.
A child who doesn't understand should never be spanked. All children are different. I have seen parents spank till they are blue in the face and no change in behavior in the child. I think we all need to think of other creative ways because eventually they will get older and you can't spank a teen! Jacob is one of the most behaved children I have ever known and I know for a fact that spanking is not necessary for Jacob. There are MANY other creative methods that work for him. God mentions the rod but he mentions love a LOT more. And just because the rod is mentioned (which some theologians believe it is not referring to an object) doesn't mean you can't try a million other things first. Everyone I know spanks and I am not against it. I just don’t think it is necessary in every case….actually….most cases.
I have tried spanking but it doesn't work for me or my kids. I don't think that it should be against the law though.
It doesn't work for our family. What does seem to work with my children is losing toys or games or privileges. IE: If they fight over a toy and can't come to a compromise on their own, the toy gets confiscated. They know this. Or if they start playing in their room after bedtime, they get 2 warnings and then they lose teddy bears. It's always the same.
I think that as long as the form of discipline is consistent that the child will learn. Consistency and predictable outcomes to behaviour (both good and bad) make a child feel safe and loved. That is the most important part.
I have to agree that you can't tell spanked kids from non-spanked kids. What you can see is disciplined kids from non-disciplined kids.
~ Bunnys mama,
I read over my comment and I shouldnt of made it so general. Not all kids who arent spanked arent bad. I d idnt mean it that way. But just from the few children Ive been around who do not get spanked are terrible and very disobedient and disrespectful to their mama.
But that is probably because they never follow through w/ any form of discipline.
As long as your consitant I think thats all that matters.
ill email you :-)
and I do not think by spanking your teaching your child that hitting is ok. My son is 2 1\2 and he knows the difference between a spanking and him hitting a child his age. He knows that is wrong. He realizes at just 2 1\2 that he gets spanked because of his disobedience. He understands so much.
And the fact at just 2 1\2 he says his prayers and says "ank you esus for mama moon on the butt" aka "thank you jesus for mama giving me the spoon on the butt"
LOL! im not even kidding. He says that in his prayers.
The only time Ive seen him using "spanking" on anything is his stuff toys. He pretends to spank them when they are "disobedience" hes playing of course.
He knows.
Ok.. thats all im saying lol its late got to go feed Taite.
lol Caleb says "ank you esus for mama moon on the butt" in his prayers?!...what a cutie. I guess he knows that he did wrong and that you love him. I think children respect their parents more when there are consistent consequences for their actions. Good job.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts...I realize as Jacob gets older my last statement may change lol. The day may come ..... sooner than I think :( I guess it is just wishful thinking. I am scared that I may even take it too far. I have seen that happen before too. I guess I am going to pray about this and do some soul searching because I want to be a good parent and disciplining is a part of that....but some old childhood memories still bother me and I don't want Jacob to have those memories. Any words of wisdom?
dont spank our of anger.. and if you do apologize to jacob... they will remember mamas apology over the spanking... because i do.
always explain why you had to spank and NEVER 4get to tell them you love them ...
I didnt really start spanking until caleb wad 18 months? almost two. It has worked great for our family.
When I first read this post, I was unsure of what I thought. I have spanked Rowan, but I was never sure it was the 'right' thing to do. After all, the world tells us that we will damage our kids forever if we spank.
I decided to check it out for myself, while visiting my husbands family. I pulled out a Bible, and looked for any verses pertaining to 'the rod'. Once you read them all, and the context of the passages around them, it is very clear that it does mean real spanking, as in physical discipline to correct wrong behaviors. Not because you are angry, but because you want to teach, in love.
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